The right time

     It's hard to make friends, keeping them is even harder. We lose them to the weirdest things, boyfriends, girlfriends, possessions, time, life, alcohol, old age, locations. some of them find their way back, others not really, and sometimes you have to be the one who lets them go. Learning what is the right time to let someone out of your life is one of the most difficult lessons, I would love to know, know for sure that someone isn't worth it, that that person will bring me no more joy and even if they do, it will never be enough to balance out the bad things they will do. I'm not different from any other, i think we all would like to know it, or just to be sure of what we had done. I had to cut off some people, but they left me no choice, I will never walk away from what I love, but I will also never break, and you can only bend so far. When people drive you to the brink you can only break or walk away, and you should never feel bad for doing what you have to do in order to survive.

      Anyone who lets anything get in the way of your friendship maybe wasn't a true friend. but then again, people come to your life, and serve their purpose and then they leave. Isn't this a variation of the damn "everything happens for a reason"? Shit happens, not for a reason, but because shit happens, that's all. So people enter and leave your life randomly? They might enter as a random thing, but they, or you, chose to let them leave.

     I think i'm going to vote some people out of my island, I like to keep a tight ship, keep your friends at large and your enemies nonexistent.

     I hate that move of the "i will just stop engaging the conversation and eventually they will feel like "oh we just lost touch" and i'm like "no we didn't! it was all in my plan!", it's the trade mark of a non confrontational person, be bold and brave, tell it like it is, move on and let them move on as well. Don't you think they feel like they are doing all the effort? that they are not appreciated? ... what a load of crap. I hope we are all doing our best to be our best, we all screw things up. I'm taking the lion share of it, I'm a screw up hoarder.

     Make them tall  make them fat and short, make them thin, make them sad and joyful, make them from all around the world, make them gay and straight make the from your neighbors, make them non-humans make it with the ones who bark make it with the cakes you bake and with the people you hate. Make friends from all walks of life, and cut out the suckers who don't want to make you happy. 

For sure tomorrow

       All I see around me are couples, people grouped two by two, couples couples everywhere. Do you only see what you want or you look for what you dread? 

       What is this need not to be alone? Why are we all so afraid to be alone? Today there was a show on TV about unlikely friends, it was a blind horse and an old goat, a goose and a tortoise, and a white gibbon and some Capuchin monkeys. Not even animals want to be alone. The white gibbon was a circus animal so he couldn't connect with other animals of his own species, he only felt comfortable with young Capuchin monkeys, and they didn't let him be a part of their family, none of them accepted him and he had no one, he called and called and no one answered. The adult monkeys didn't liked him, he was bigger and stronger them them, so they were scared of him, they used their numbers to keep him out of the family. Only the young Capuchin tolerated him, so every year he had to make new friends, because the monkeys out grew him.

       When they become adults they have different perspectives on the events, I guess we all become more judgmental with age.

He is the forever alone gibbon, always on the outside looking in with no one to love and no one to love him back. This is the rule for humans as well, you are the lonely white gibbon until you, per some kind of miracle find another weird white gibbon to be with, then you are the one laughing at the ones who just don't get it.

     We were our love like a medal of honor, your wedding ring is the "I made it, I survived and someone loves me" statement that you wish you could cream at every weird white gibbon. In the name of all the weird ones, you can stop now, we all get it, and we all are trying our best to be happy for all of you.

       Now the unthinkable twist, what if we like to be like this? Are we ready to go against what feels natural to us? Are we forcing ourselves to be happy in our involuntary loneliness or are we discovering another unlikely friendship? Maybe some of us don't need anybody, or even worst, Maybe we don't want to be paired up. Is it resignation, bitterness or an evolutionary leap? Can we redefine what makes us happy, or genetics will always have the last word?

      Love is real. It can be wonderful or it can suck really bad, but it's real. If it never finds you, it's a matter of survival that you find happiness in your life style, if you never fall in love you have no choice but to be happy. However, if the bastard sneaks up on you you can either listen to it or just ignore it. You can really try to be happy taking no risks and making no hard and difficult choices, you will find a way to be alone and contempt. You can be only completely happy if, either love never finds you or if you take chances if it does. Playing it safe never helped anyone helping themselves.

     I'm trying something new, for the thousand time. I will lay low, so low that no one will ever find me. I am in dire need of a break and some peace and quiet. I found that i write about what is on my mind. when i needed courage, or was trying to inspire courage to someone i couldn't write about anything else, and now, it seems that i can only write about relationships and their meaning. I have been thinking about that for quite some time. I'm in search of something new to write about, if i write about what i think, then it's time to start thinking about something different. The time to change is now. Or tomorrow. For sure tomorrow. Monday is the right day to change.

Tomorrow we all change together.

The same place

     He's moving for love, he's in love with a girl in another country and so, obviously he is moving. different country, different "language", different job, friends, house, food, different everything. And he's still moving, after weighing things he came to the conclusion that everything would be worth it if he would be with her, and from what I heard she doesn't even like him like that much. So he's moving for the promise of love, the possibility of being happy with her is better then the security of normal life without her. Is that what love is? Is that bravery? I try, but I can't see the poetic of it. I would move for love. For love of myself, with the complete knowledge that I was doing that to make myself happy, because being with that person would make me happy. What type of person would move for a possibility? Isn't that a bit desperate? Isn't that "Hey i'm here so love me please? Now that we are in the same place and everything is easy and uncomplicated lets really try to be together yes?" It's easy to make it work when you are in the same place. Easier. Isn't that the start of something that is broken to begin with? If it didn't work while it was hard isn't that the ultimate test? If it's "meant to be" shouldn't it survive the hard times and make it trough to the other side? Is that contradictory? A girl who wouldn't move for a possibility thinks true love conquers all. I've heard strangest things.

     Some other friend. She's the one moving. But they tried their best to make it trough a hard and difficult situation, and they did. They worked really hard to make it, the time was also right. Don't take credit away from them. It was hard, and they, so far, made it. That makes me proud, and hopeful and of course, in the true friendship spirit a bit self-conscious with just a pinch of jealousy. Can you be completely happy without that little bit of jealousy from your less fortunate friends? Than how could you be condescending talking with them all the way from your high horse? My horse died a long time ago. Not long enough to stop tormenting my tired should. "I can still recall our last summer, I still see it all.. memories that remain"(insert sad corny ABBA song here). If I had true friends at least one of them should have kicked my ass, when I was oh so righteous on them. Never, ever, ever, again. 

     It's a delightful ride though, you think you can see it all from that impossible high horse, I would suspect it holds a striking resemblance with getting high, you think you can see clearer then ever, but the truth is that it's all a bit foggy.

     They are moving. Anywhere. For love.. Maybe they know something that we are still trying to figure out, maybe the view from inside the fog is much better then out here in the cruel bright real light. I hope for the best. I'm feeling claustrophobic.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" Anais Nin