Becoming a grown up woman is the hardest thing one can try to do successfully. To find the perfect balance between ruthless and kindness, as well as between delicate and ungraceful. I am a sinner, for I always prefer to be unkind and ruthless when there is a choice, I could try to be Gandhi but no. present me with the opportunity to squash who is trying to squash me and I will do it, no mercy. no holding back, no kindness. I show no kindness to who shows me nothing but pain. this is not the makings of a lady. a lady is strong but delicate, i see how I should act, I just can't bring myself to forgive, or worse, I can't see myself to change. In the struggle to become calm and assertive I only seem able to fabricate being assertive and aggressive. I go from calm to "I will murder your family " faster then a Bugatti. Today I thought how could I hit him with this iron can? how would I make it look like an accident? is there an angle where I could say it was just a joke gone wrong? is it even heavy enough to kill him?
Someone told me that not being able to cope with this is a sign of immaturity and that saying that I don't want him to be a part of my file is the speech of a child. I think not. If there are no benefits from it, if you get nothing but pain and stress isn't it a sign of strength to cut it off your life?
Please, I need help! Please, my arm! it hurts so bad i think it's infected.. Please just make it stop..
I'm sorry miss but we can't treat your arm, that would be the most immature thing we could do in this situation, you should learn how to live with the pain, make it stop just with your mind, if you would just grow up we feel strongly that you could make the infection go away.
You don't understand! this is making everything else sick, I feel it reaching my heart, I feel it eroding who I am, please! please.. just make it go away, please..
Miss, really.. I mean, just stop. You are making a fool out of yourself, look at you. You are being pathetic, and we are fed up with your whining Just make the pain stop, just grow up, just love your arm so we can start pretending that there is nothing wrong with it.
No wait! please, PLEASE! you have to help me, I can't handle this anymore, this will kill me! why aren't you listening to me! why don't you believe me? don't you think that if I could I would make it stop? I can't stand this pain anymore, please, please just let me cut it off! I need this to STOP! why don't you listen to me? WHY? please..
just like a rotting limb.
