My computer came to bed with me today, can't remember the last time that has happened. I don't want to go to sleep, my dreams might take me places i don't want to go.
I was driving home today, in the middle of the night, going trough a bridge, and entertained the idea of driving off of it for far too long. I regularly question if I should kill myself to make a quick and un-expensive check on my spirit, if it's the most ridiculous idea in the world it's a great day, if it just seams like a lot of trouble I conclude tat's not worth it. I'm not suicidal, i just use my reservations to die as a measure on my mental health. Today was different. I am sad today. I am also alone. I think I will date the first one I get my hands on. External validation in order to get internal satisfaction. A broken equation, it will never work it's like filling a sift with sand.
a valuable lesson was learned today. not gonna forget this one any time soon, the hard one are the ones that really stick with you. this one will stick like peanut butter on a fine dress.
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