What a terrifying thing

     Sometimes i have trouble hearing people, i’m screaming so hard inside my mind. I’m happy. I’m a happy person. I’m not dramatic, i’m just me. 

     It’s sad when you are lonely. But maybe it’s sadder when you feel lonely and you are not really alone. When you are so surrounded by so many people who just don’t see how you really are. Can you really blame people for not seeing past your mask? “if they were my real friends they could see how really was”. That’s just  not true. With your real friends you don’t need to wear a mask, you can allow yourself to just exist in every aspect of yourself. You stop wearing some masks for some friends, but can you be everything you are in front of all of them? Maybe we have this fear that they will not love us anymore. Maybe we are just mirroring some serious lack of self love. 

     I feel free to explore all the possibilities. 

    Maybe it’s not lack of love. Maybe you just don’t want to expose yourself like that, you don’t want to give all that you are just to anyone, you want to keep somethings hidden, just for you. We are not made of all light. Is that what we see in a baby? Just light? No damage? We are born perfect, and then eventually we all get screwed up. Some worse then others. Some better then others. Can you split hairs about damage? 

Invisible damage is the worst kind, the one that you don’t even know it’s there, the one you don’t acknowledge because it will start rotting you from the inside out. 

     If it makes us who we are, what a terrifying thing a undamaged person would be. What would you talk about when all superficial things are said and done? I love damage, but sometimes i wish it didn't hurt so bad. I hope we all patch up out damaged self's we get better in somethings, and pick up new dents and rips. By the end we are the weirdest looking quilt, just a lot of patched things that we think have no business hanging out together  but they are warm, and they work. They are loved and we have hope.