A bird at last

I should be thinking about my grandmother, but instead i'm having a imaginary argument with my imaginary boyfriend. And this is a dead bird. And now i'm cold. to not be alone would be great. I wish i knew someone who knew what i needed now. If no one knows you well enough is it their fault or yours? I am the only one wearing pants. I was the only one without time to shave my legs. My hairy legs. We are all fine. The widow isn't but they never are. So many people died this winter. My uncle is really crying now. he couldn't say goodbye to his father. Why do man think they can't cry? they can. They should. Your father only dies once. If not then when? I hope he went somewhere to cry. I haven't cried yet. I will. Seeing who I love cry makes me so sad. I feel so tired. She is a good wife. Hugging when he needs, giving space when he needs, practice makes perfection. My sister is coming. This is a small speech, driving to the cemetery, put him on the ground and go eat. Those who can eat of course. Almost all of my cousins are here. The kids are not, they asked not to come. When i get home i'm taking them to go eat ice cream  Nothing you can do for the grown ups but the kids need something. they are teenagers now but they are good. I'm getting labeled as the weird girl with the red face who doesn't hug who's crying.